Today's prompt for the
Blog Every Day in May challenge is to blog about the thing I'm most afraid of. So I thought I'd tell you a little story along with my greatest fear.
I will, first of all, tell you my greatest fear. I am afraid of being unable to physically or mentally do the things I love to do.
I'm sure most of you know this already, but I have several chronic conditions that can be pretty debilitating at times. I'm in pain 100% of the time, and while sometimes I can handle it and carry through my day pretty normally, other times I cannot at all. I've gone into my conditions more in depth
on this post if you want to know more.
One of my greatest loves is the outdoors. I love to hike, bike, swim, climb, kayak, etc. You name it. I was even a recreation major in college and I can tell you the history of the National Parks systems. I'm an outdoor geek. :) But my
favorite thing to do in the great outdoors is backpack through God's creation. Backpacking (or backcountry camping) can get you to the most remote and beautiful places that you
can't get to in a car, plane, or train. I love looking out over a beautiful vista knowing that the only thing that could get me there was my own two feet.
But backpacking is hard work. Hiking up a mountain with a 40-50 pound pack? Yup. Hard.
My most recent backcountry trips have been a testimony to my seemingly debilitating health conditions. My greatest fear is that I might have to give up this love of mine.
About a year and a half ago in the fall, we went backpacking at
Guadalupe Mountains National Park. It is one of two national parks in Texas, the other being
Big Bend NP. Visiting all the national parks in the US is at the top of my bucket list.
Once at Guadalupe Mountains, we got our backcountry pass, heaved on our packs, and started up the trail to our first campsite, with plenty of time to get there, or so the map and my research had told me.
But it wasn't before long that my knees started aching (already?!) and we had to take a quick break. Still in good spirits, I got out my camera (like I do during every break) and snapped some photos. There's Mark above, lookin all happy to be in the Lord's beautiful splendor.
There's Mark again, looking peeved that I needed another break. Haha.
Okay, I'll tell you a little about
Guadalupe Mountains. It is in the Texas desert. Not many people know much about the desert, so I'll tell you a little. The desert is not how most people think of it: sand dunes, heat, dry, no vegetation, no rain, etc (of course it can have these things as well). The desert is a
climate, not just an area. It can have TONS of vegetation. In this desert, in Texas, it even snows. There is a creek that has running water more than half of the year. When we were there, it was a good 75 degrees during the day, and 45 at night. Get down to the bottom of this post, and you'll see maple trees with beautiful fall colors.
I love the desert. I think it is beautiful, and is a place where you can feel peace in your solitude. It's an amazing place for getting away from the hustle and bustle of life, for connecting with a significant other or friend, and for deeply appreciating the beauty that God has given us.
Above: a little canyon.
It was about this time that I took another break. I took my pack off and sat down on a big rock along side the hiking path. I jumped back up, realizing that I sat on a cactus. Yikes! I hadn't seen it before I sat because it was very small. But I wish it had been big, as bigger needles are easier to get out.
So. There we were. With tiny cactus needles in my butt. Luckily, we were the only ones around, because I had to drop my pants in order for Mark to get the needles out of my booty cheek. Also luckily, we had tweezers in our first aid kit. Thank the Lord. :)
It took about 10 minutes of Mark really working to get them all out. And then we went on our merry way again.
I loved these fellas.
It was about this time that we were beginning to worry about getting to our campsite in time. We had hiked about 30 minutes longer than expected, but we also knew that we had taken more breaks than usual (to rest AND to take photos).
I was taking photos of this plant when a park ranger came by on a donkey. He told us that it was only about 30 minutes to our campsite. So we calmed down. And I took more pictures. :)
But then the sun started to set. And we kept going up and up. And we couldn't see an end in sight. At every switchback that connected us to another mountain, we fooled ourselves into thinking that this corner was the last one to turn since we couldn't see any more mountain above us. But we'd turn another corner, and BAM!, another 50 feet of mountain.
We had been hiking for an hour since we'd seen the park ranger. We were really worried. Was the ranger mistaken? Or did I just suck that much at hiking now?
There's me in the left corner, worried, hurting, and tired. In the shade. Because the sun was going down. Fast.
I remember when the sun went behind this little peak. I was so scared that we'd have to find our way with flashlights. What if we miss our campsite sign? Those signs are easy to miss even in broad daylight!
This was the last photo we took that night, since the sun went down while we were still hiking. We finally found our campsite, but it was barely still dusk. And it was about 2 hours after we had seen the park ranger.
We set up our tent in the dark, made dinner, ate, and went to sleep, praising Jesus the whole time that we had made it, and praying that the next day would be better.
I woke up refreshed, but aching. I made breakfast and walked around camp in my Chacos, glad for my feet to breathe before putting on shoes again.
Our view at our campsite.
The trees all around us were incredible. Really different, with crazy awesome textures.
I was actually reluctant to leave our campsite that day. I felt so peaceful just lounging around. And that scared me. Usually I'm raring to go see more and do more.
The hikes were easier while we were in the mountains. We barely ever had an incline after the first day.
Here's Mark, posing with his beef jerky. Heh.
And me! Yay.
Weird little Dr. Seuss looking plants. :)
At one point, we came across this vista. I loved it. The white you see is salt flats and salt dunes.
Desert plants, with their curly hairs. :P
And a beautiful agave plant!! Lovee.
We only documented one of our campsites this trip. Here's Mark looking happy! :)
During our descent out of the mountains, we came across beautiful maple trees that proved it was autumn. And made us think that we weren't in the desert anymore! :)
I went crazy with my camera, of course.
I even loved the dead leaves!
After this, we had planned on getting back to our car, dumping our packs, and making our way to a campsite at the base of the mountains. Our plan was to camp there one night, and climb El Capitan, the highest point in the park and in Texas, the next day.
That was our
plan. But I was hurting so bad that I literally couldn't go on. I had always wanted to hike that peak, but I knew I wouldn't be able to reach it.
There's El Capitan, the highest point in Texas, from afar.
I was so sad while taking this picture. I had never set a goal like this and not achieved it without even trying. I couldn't believe that my body was failing me this much. This day was the day I realized that my dreams might be stronger than my ability to accomplish them. My pain was getting worse. And I was scared.
Mark helped me to see the bright side of things on the drive home. We saw amazing places! And El Capitan will just be another thing on our list to do in the future.
Since then (1.5 years ago), we've only gone on one other backcountry trip. And we made sure it was an easy one. I don't know what the future holds for my outdoor adventures. I am afraid that I'll have to give some of these things up.
Though losing my ability to backcountry camp/hike is my greatest fear, I will never
lose hope that I'll be able to backpack great distances one day, without my chronic pain. And if I do lose this ability, I will never stop finding ways to see great vistas such as these. I will use Christ as my crutch, and pursue Him in His great creation, whether by plane, train, or automobile. :)